read · me,understand · me,judge · me, · but · keep · ypur · fucking · mouth · shut

today was ok surprisingly.i had a family party wich went well... it was at my uncle marios house. my cousins MISSY,mario jr,NECKY,ari,and luke were there. so wasnt my auntie ro,aunty patty.i got a gift certifigate to filenes and fye :) and i stole a black and pink bracelet,well actually they said i could :) my cousin mario is a drummer, and hes REALLY GOOD. he played a little for us, and he good. well ive never really heard the drums being played all by themselfs soo i dunno. but he sure can beat the drums. THAT SOUNDS WRONG. my cousin ari gave me a few tips on my hair. sort of useful. my cat was like SHAKING! im surpirsed he wasnt go into a seizure. basically my uncles dog scared him shitless. i also got hair glue from my other cousin on my moms side :) and jens getting me hair glue that makes my hair black :) and insence:)! for those of u that dont know what insence is used for youll think im a pussy. but its not for a pussy reason. yey one more week of prison till the holidayvacation!!! plus wedsday off :) yipee.im thinking of getn a tat done. of course not preofessionally but what ever.and i might be gettn my hair cutted this or next week. yey!! I LOVE THIS RIFF!!! FROM GOTHIC GIRL-the 69 eyes. yeah i know stupid song title but DONT KNOCK IT! this journal is kinda pointless no one read it. im thinking of making it private. anyone who actually reads it LEAVE ME A COMMENT ON THIS ENTRY!! ok well im off to go to some homework. ciao

im tired of this. im soo apathetic. i just dont care. im numb. i want to finish this. i have a lot of homework.screw it.i got a really nice and meaningful comment today. someone said to me that she would miss me ALOT if i wouldnt be able to talk to her. <3 yey!! i have a great deal of respect for her and sypmathy for her.GOOD LUCK you know who you are. if she even reads this....
family christmas party is this sunday. WEEEEEE!!! so much fun. i have to put on a "mask" around them because i need to be my model son ken. not my failure antichrist kid. SCREW.SCREW.SCREW.SCREW.SCREW!!!i dotn want to go to school tomorrow. well i shouldnt complain, next wedsday im taking of,and then i have a whole week of no school. but inbetween will beakward hellos,akward goodbyes,akward thank yous,akward acceptance.i hate when people complament me like " your soo tall,or youve lost weight"....I HATE IT.i just want to take a pyssy to my heart and call it a goodnight.in the upcoming weeks me and jval will be heading out to the mall to buy emo-sessories. lol. GIRLY JEANS!!! YIPEE!! ok im not tryign to sound liek theresa but EVERY ONE HATES ME!!!! and im suffering from major depression. lol thats what numerous quizes have said. oh well. just another problematic issue thats forever crushing my life. ok well kiddies im off to go do my homework and a collection of other meaningless,boring,things. I HATE SCHOOL NIGHTS!

i feel very EMO today. i wanna cry LMAO

lol i got into the slow song mood and so i switch to twisted transitstor.

TARA LIKE MARILYN!!!! YESS

i wanan cry..

I'll stay, you'll go
It's your turn but you don't know
These things will last forever
So wait, it's your time
To hide, what you deny
It should've been like this forever
I hope you change

You pretend, that you're lovely
Pretend, that you'll love me
And I will always hear you out
You pretend, that you're lovely
Pretend, that you'll love me
Instead you'll let your heart grow old

I've seen the way you move
You seem intelligent
You'd think I'd figure it out
Right now, I've had
Enough of all I can stand
I'm leaving this forever

You pretend, that you're lovely
Pretend, that you'll love me
And I will always hear you out
You pretend, that you're lovely
Pretend, that you'll love me
Instead you'll let your heart grow old

You never explain it, the way you are
And most things that happen, seem to fall apart
And when all of your troubles seem to go away
You know who to believe in, who to believe in

You pretend, that you're lovely
Pretend, that you'll love me
And I will always hear you out
You pretend, that you're lovely
Pretend, that you'll love me
Instead you'll let your heart grow old

NUMBER ONE GUN

no one reads this.. READ IT!!

today was bleak. we got a shit load o snow. we still had school but go out early. they day went by like FAST!! i friggen hate how my family constricts my life. NO ONE WILL TAKE ME TO FUCKING OPEN DOOR!!! JESUS!!! and my dads takign me to church to talk to a priest soon. HAHAHAHAHAH oh jesus if some one from my family actually reads this ill be like on the shit list. :) they hate me anyways.LONG STORY! me and crystally crystal are planning to do a dedication ritual in some up coming staurday. i need to do it soon before the 21 atleast. i still need to go christmas shopping. I hate accepting gifts. both sides of my family are doing graps this year. well we always do so its not anything new... but its weird because you have to accept gifts wich is akward. i have my fingers crossed for gift certifgates to barnes and noble. i could say why but then again why risk exsposure to me towards my family??? lol i got sudha more money! i know she hates it but i have NO IDEA WHAT TO GET HER!!!!! im gonan make her a card :) because it means more!i wonder whos gonna be going. i think this year ive been more friendly, not as much as 6th grade but an improvemnt from last year.ive grown up and learned to shut the fuck up with my made up problems and enjoy life,even if that means planning death. oh well... "cut our wrists like cheep coupons and say death was on sale today" another one of my favorite quotes "but im not an artist im a fucking work of art" hey kiddies go out there and listen to (s)AINT by marilyn manson. great song. i hate when people label him or me because i listen to him. people think i listen him because it fits my "style" NO!!! i like the music. JESUS. hes not a creep, hes not insane, if you listen to his lyrics there everyday thoughts we think about or visualize only he has either enough balls or no same to speak his mind. like if you listen he dosnt say go kill yourself or gods gay or w.e and like the whole columbine thing. HE DIDNT TELL KIDS TO GO SHOOT PEOPLE!!!!! his lyrics dont promote that. i dont liek it when people are so quick to judge. yeah he might do some things that alot of people dont believe in or agree with but he represents the darker side of the world. no one else has done that. like you turn on empty tv and all you see is either rap(that sucks) or pop(right..) ok lets analize those two. all rap does is promote sex drugs and violence but yet its "mainstream" so its ok...pop promotes good jesus children. OK watch trl or liek mtv2 or mtvhits do you ever see a marilyn manson video?? how about the radio?? ive heard one marilyn manson song and it was a request played at 2a.m. rap and marilyn both express the same thing. but you see the friggen shitty coutnry we live in A.K.A america sucks. marilyn is not popular over here but in Europe he is. WHY YOU MAY ASK?? well because america is this great society in wich we do not promte violence or any other themes he talks about. FUCK IT i dont know where im going. and my mommy wants me in bed. HAHAHAAHAHHA lol well im off.

yeah i dunno it just sounded cool. soo yeah TAday was Ok. i downloaded google earth yesterday. thats teh shit! its soo cool. so yeah ive been stalking for a day and a half now... ive got some homework. not too much its just i have a project due for reading tomorrow but im passing it in on friday, i have music homework thats very tideous and long and i told GILdea i passed in a wuiz i never passed in. PLUS i have a packet due in science thats kinda gay.i can not wait to "LEARN" in italian. not like we "LEARN" anything anyways.its a fucken stupid class where we learn a language ill most likly almost never use! i live in america not italy. yeah its cool i get the chance to learn it but they MAKE me take a language.GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY!!! and another thing we only have every major subject 4 times a week except math! so pretty much there saying math is more important then english,italian,history,and science. but yet we need to pass all of them,mostly math and english. its like subejectism. lol like racism or sexism only subject ism! i made up a word MU HA HA! +____+ what now bitch? lol corny moment... no one is on aim KINDA SUCKS!! its mostly cuz there is this concert at school that all of the chorus people have to go to. well alot just blow it off but what ever.teetaataa is in it soo i cant get my fricken italian H.W off of her wich i need.i wish i could just sleep all night and all morning and just miss school. but my moms gonna say no because its a half a day. i want to try an amp! thanks to ellen i want one REALLY BADD!!! and ive been craving a frap. from starbucks.... DONALD TRUMP WAS ON HOWARD STERN THIS MORNING!!! hes not that bad of a guy really. today jen wasnt at school. i told the school she was at the doctors and every one thought i said she was in the hospital. so there was a rumor floating around thats she was dieing in the hospital!! HAAHHAAH lol were just gonna say she had some random organ removed.never mind her IM DIEING OF BRONCHITIS AGAIN!!!! im gonna say i need to stay home because im weak,congrested,i cant hear,got an ear infection, AND my head hurts.HOPEFULLY IT WILL WORK. its not a COMPLELTE lie because i do feel all of those things but im able to go to school. but its deffinatly a cold, and possible bronchitis and mostlikly a sinus cold and if its bad enough ill get something thats a step worse then bronchiits and a step below imonia lol i spelt that wrong.ok well im off to TRY to do my homework and by try i mean barly do. (:

my heart goes out to you C.F i dont want you to think your hurting me because if i didnt want this i wouldnt have asked. i care about you and want to be there for you. i will help you. i WANT to help you.

ok about my day

we had a concert so today was a joke. math was a waste of time.so the winter concert took up an hour so i missed science!! yeah... well i sort of made friends with that new kid nathan. its funny cuz everyone wants to know him and feel him out. NO NOT IN A DIRTY WAY YOU PERVERTS.i downloaded google earth!! its wicked fun looking up houses in kentucky lol.today i was at the "naughty" table in italian. basically it means i dont have to do anything for that class and i get a 0 for the day. kinda fucking gay concidering i didnt nothing. what a whore and a half. oh well i had fun. DIRTY but good fun.i called theresa's house today and i was like hey is theresa there and her moms like no theresa cant talk tonight ull see her at school bye. WHAT A BITCH lol sorry theresa if u take any offence. i lost interest in writing.

ello darlings
ive got a head ache as usual. today was ok. me and jen and theresa had some candy canes and we had fun. well me and jen that is ;) we got a new kid named nathan in skool today. he looks so fimiliar. he lives only down the street so i might have seen him around.he is almost all of my classes.YES YES YES YES!!!! i found out howard still has 9 more shows left!!! YES YES YESSS i wish i could right something full of meaning but i have nothing. i have a killer head ache and my computer is being so fucking slow i wanna just wanna throw it out the fucking window. my nose is stuffy and i think im getting my bronchitits back :(
w.e were getting a snow storm tonight. were only supposed to get 1-3 inchs but hopefully more. im not a big fan of skool. ive got nothing to do. hmm i wish i had something to say. well anyways ill catch up with you guys later when i feel better and when i have something to say.

take care sweethearts

2nd entry.yeah im kinda bored. i finished up the journal. im freakn bored as hell. i hates sunday nights. its like a waste of night because its a holy time. like you have all of theese things you planed to do and now you try to do em but then the whole idea is crushed cuz its becoming monday.what ever. i look forward to my next week of tortune. like in math class when i feel like a tard or when i didnt do my homework FOR ANY OF MY CLASSES and then im scrambling to do it because i dont want another F. its all good. its gotten so bad i look forward to it. its like i can depend on it. im in a comfortable place. all in the mean time im dodging orthodontist and shrink appointments. oh yeah im not "in serious danger" ive made "giant leaps" FUCK IT!!! JUST FUCK IT!!! like jesus christ its like no one knows the real me. i wish i could just give everyone my thoughts like in all intierty. just so they could know who i am and i what im looking for. because ive yet to come by a person who can see into my mind.SCREW.i wish my fucking shrink could just fucking realize im bipolar. cuz im sick of this fuckingimaginary struggle i put my self in. if this wasnt in my profile for all family and people at schkool to see i would have written much more.and as my good old friend consumer whore has taught me NEVER LEAVE SOMETHING THAT COULD RUIN YOUR LIFE IN A THING ON THE INTERNET FOR ALL TO SEE!!

peace

fuck the whole YEAH HAPPY FIRST ENTRY shit. yeah hi, my new journal OPEN TO ANYONE WHO WANTS TO READ! nights sunday and 2morrow is monday. SCREW.oh well. hopefully it will snow really hard monday night. they say this winter is gonan be like last year *searches for old journal to the 7 weeks of solitude and coldness* yeah remeber the countless entries of like 7th day with snow...? WELL GUESS WHAT?? THERE BOND TO COME BACK!!! and actually while were down memory lane i had the oddest craving for a cappucino wich were like my best friend during them cold days. DEAR DIARY MOOD APATHETIC! WOOOO. yule is coming up. OOOOL!! yesss dead fish !! yeah jen knows. knows to damn well. i think im writting with an edge tonight... hmmm. IM SOO FREAKN PISSED!! so i started listening to howard sturn or how ever his name is spelt. well anyways i started thrusday and i never have listend to him before, like i know what hes about but ive never listened. well wanyways(Said that 2) my dad said he was swticn to satilitte so i knew that but i didnt know he was gonan swtich THAT FRIDAY!!! so i get really into it the 2nd to last show ill be able to hear.so yeah BUMMER.LETS GET THESE TEEN HEARTS BEATING!

ok ok for those readers who dont know me:
my names matt,im 13. you could say im "emo" or "goth" but i dont think im any.accroding to the fucks at school i was "goth" and now im an "emo" who will be a "emo gangster" when im an adult. yey....?? ive got a group of friends wich include crystal and revaann and tara i would have listed more but there like the only ones who will read.. plus i got some friends i met online like kelly,and courtney,and ellen. each of them has touched my life. yeah it sounds corny but w.e. i have sort of an idea what i would like to be when im done with school. i want to be a writer or go into the publishing biz or becoem a pericer or a "PROFESSIONAL ROCK MUSICIAN FUCK FACE!!!" yeah had to throw in my little kurt quote of the day. KURTS TEH SHIT! accroding to crystals "gift" im a leo lol and i have a future im publication. hmm.hmm.
im also wiccan.umm im at the akward phase of switching and soul searching so quite honostly im not 100% sure. by birth im catholic. at fist i was agonisttic but that developed into me being an atheist. im not being wiccan because it fits my "label" or because im rebelling. im doing it because so far its the only religion that makes just as much sense. i want to keep studing religons to actually find and mold "my path" but im almost sure ill stick with wicca. its somehting that ive always kind of believed in and DESPITE WHAT THAT CONMSUMER WHORE SAYS IM NOT TRYING TO FIT IN!!!! ok well im gonan work on getting the journal all fixed as in my icon,backgroudn,colors,fonts and such.

peace out